foodha for thought – menuism blog

A lot of chain restaurants use all sorts of come-ons in their websites to make you log on and veg out, apparently picturing the scenario in which a group of shaggy-haired boys in sweatpants sit around chewing on their fingers and wondering what sorts of trouble to get into, and one boy says, “You guys, a new game launched on Burger King’s website! Let’s play Burger King games and then go eat Burger King!” and they grab their mom’s wallets and enter into an implicit understanding that whoever can consume the most burgers has a corresponding amount of testosterone.

Sounds far-fetched (or just stupid), right? Probably, but marketers are still trying. Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr. are launching 3D websites. Procrastinators, the lonely, and dieters will be able to throw on a logo jacket and party with friends among three-dimensional, non-edible burgers, fries, and shakes. Awesome, right?

If you’re a Windows user, yeah; if you’re one of the few young people nowadays that use this new thing called a Mac, you can still practice your burger slaying skills or build your own virtual burger with Hardee’s. Cool. I’m hungry. Let’s slay and review.

Burger Slayer

The placard reads: Look into your heart, slayer, and you will open the door. Gotta answer a few questions before you can be a slayer.

What’s my favorite kind of burger? Do they ask you this kind of thing in World of Warcraft?

Is this like a secret knock?

They wanted to know all about me for the exclusive brotherhood! Too bad they forgot to ask my gender, because brotherhoods aren’t really my scene.

The game pretty much seems to be that you hand over your e-mail address and zip code & they give you a coupon and a free MP3 called “Burger Slayer.” The lyrics of the heavy metal tune include, “Devastator, life-taker/ you’re the fiercest slayer in all the land/ you once accidentally ate your own hand.”

Burger Slayer Rating: I give it a “Wait, did I miss something?” which isn’t a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down, but a confused look.

Superior Burger Experience

After destruction necessarily comes re-birth, and after slaying assumed burgers as well as my own internet privacy, I’m ready to make a really giant burger. Here’s what I’m working with:

After a few rough drafts:

(A onion ring sandwich with cheese & a BLT burger)

Here’s my ultimate burger:

Yum, am I right? Perfection is delicious; who needs, you know, ketchup?

Superior Burger Experience Rating: While the site comes across as trying a little too hard (“We get you kids and your one-off, ironic sense of humor! Engine parts on your burger, that’s classic, right?”) I admire that I can build a burger that fits me and my lifestyle – namely, one I can’t consume.

Find both games at hardees.com, and remember, if you peel yourself away from burger demolition and restoration long enough to actually eat a burger, let us know how it is.